Example: I really like, you, Joe. I think you're a good guy, a man of integrity and skill, one I'd trust to make decisions, etc. but.......
Can you hear it? Suddenly none of the good attributes pointed out before the "but" mean anything to the listener. Now it's all about, "what's he gonna say NEXT?"
The problem in many conversations is not that they contain a "but", but that they don't; they merely imply one. I was working with a band that was working out an arrangement; where to put the solos, etc. but at the moment, who would sing which harmonies. The lead singer looked at me and said, "Otis, I love the way you play guitar." That was it!
What he'd implied with his silent "but" was that he had no desire whatsoever for me to sing harmony. Ouch! I came away with two thoughts. One, I sucked as a singer. Two, that he didn't have the fortitude to look me in the eye and tell me.
I never did get clarity on that statement, and it bugged me.... a lot!That relationship ended eventually, not because I couldn't sing, but because my trust in his leadership eventually faded, and ultimately failed. He left his implied "but" just hanging out there unresolved.
I ask myself in all conversations whether or not I'm implying a "but", and if so, am I resolving it before I finish.
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